So in October I go back to studying after what has pretty much been a year out, for this reason and that. For the first time in a long time, I'm genuinely excited about the possibility of starting again, and I'm more determined to keep my head up than I have been in a long time.
This year, I don't want to become "the new me" I want to become the revised edition, the 2nd or 3rd generation model that people clamour for, because some of the major issues have been ironed out, and the manufacturers have learned from their mistakes, not just stubbornly made the same ones, or given up completely. Giving up on myself is no longer an option, because all the wonderful people in my life deserve more than that, they don't deserve to be leant on this heavily any longer.
I need to put the past year or so behind me, properly, for good, and deal with the repercussions and curve balls it has thrown me calmly, and quietly, because the song and dance I've been making, is not one that the world wants to hear. I CAN do this, because I say I can, and from now on my word is good. My word is no longer entirely self-deprecating and inwardly vicious, or terrified of judgement and failure, because my word now stands for the things I have come to know, like how valuable true friends are, even if I thought I was aware of this before, and that it's ok to slide off the rails, as long as you can right yourself again, with help if needs be, before being eclipsed in the tunnel.
I know this sudden burst of optimism will fade and flicker, but I would like to think that I'm climbing back out of the valley and heading for flatter pastures, with some trite but resonatory clichés to fill gaps in the path ahead, and stoke fires to hold off those cold, dark nights.