Day 19: My Favourite Person

I don't have one.
Or at least, not yet.

The title of favourite person is one not easily-earned, but then nor should it be.

I want my favourite person to be the person I can't wait to spend time with, to shower praise and good things upon, but not be afraid to call them out when they're in the wrong. And vice versa.
A favourite person should be someone you trust, someone who lifts you up but keeps you level, and forces you to consider your own input and impact on the world.
My favourite person needs to be that person that ultimately I want to impress, and make proud, knowing that their opinion is one of very few that really, truly matters.
I want my favourite person to be someone who has my best interests at heart, and who appreciates that I am fallibly human. And vice versa.
I want my favourite person to be a friend, and everything that implies.

In fact, I'm striving to be my own favourite person.

We see many of these qualities in clusters or isolation in the people around us, but in the end, all of these things have to start with us.
It's clichéd, it's cheesy, you may well have stopped reading as your eyes rolled involuntarily upwards across the page, but it's also the truth. There will be times in all our lives when we feel like we might just be the only thing we have, and at those points, we simply have to be enough.
It may not be forever, but life is made just that bit easier knowing you are not in fact alone, and that someone you trust is looking out for you even if it feels in that moment like no-one else is.

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Poetry in Emotion.

So in October I go back to studying after what has pretty much been a year out, for this reason and that. For the first time in a long time, I'm genuinely excited about the possibility of starting again, and I'm more determined to keep my head up than I have been in a long time.

This year, I don't want to become "the new me" I want to become the revised edition, the 2nd or 3rd generation model that people clamour for, because some of the major issues have been ironed out, and the manufacturers have learned from their mistakes, not just stubbornly made the same ones, or given up completely. Giving up on myself is no longer an option, because all the wonderful people in my life deserve more than that, they don't deserve to be leant on this heavily any longer.

I need to put the past year or so behind me, properly, for good, and deal with the repercussions and curve balls it has thrown me calmly, and quietly, because the song and dance I've been making, is not one that the world wants to hear. I CAN do this, because I say I can, and from now on my word is good. My word is no longer entirely self-deprecating and inwardly vicious, or terrified of judgement and failure, because my word now stands for the things I have come to know, like how valuable true friends are, even if I thought I was aware of this before, and that it's ok to slide off the rails, as long as you can right yourself again, with help if needs be, before being eclipsed in the tunnel.

I know this sudden burst of optimism will fade and flicker, but I would like to think that I'm climbing back out of the valley and heading for flatter pastures, with some trite but resonatory clichés to fill gaps in the path ahead, and stoke fires to hold off those cold, dark nights.

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